Who are We?

MARY - Real name Steve, but worries like a "Mary-Ellen".
Mary has been singing since he was 4 years old, when his dad used him as a dummy in his ventriloquist act (Mary still sticks his own hand up his arse when he's feeling nostalgic).
Mary has just won a grant from the University of St. Austell to teach sheep to whistle to confuse the sheepdog.
Influences: Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and Lady Penelope.

ALAN - Started drumming before he was born - his Mother's bladder has never recovered!
Alan's first words were 'Pastry' and 'Cake' and he gets his Golden Virginia flown in specially from Jamaica. Alan says it is a much smoother tobacco than you get in Tescos and he's noticed he feels better when he's smoking it.
Influences: Ian Paice, John Bonham, Cheech and Chong and The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers.

BARRY- Has been in numerous bands over the years and has some dodgy photos of himself with hair and wearing spandex. Barry's motto is "The guitarist who has the most guitars wins" and has had hundreds in his time, but given most of them away to ex-wives in settlement.
Barry is still seeking the Holy Grail - a Gibson Les Paul that stays in tune and doesn't break strings - he won't believe us that it's him.
Influences: Jimmy Page, Jimi Hendrix and Benny from Abba.

BRIAN - His school photo was an aerial shot and when he wears his leather jacket, he looks like he's been upholstered.
Brian also has his own postcode.
Brian may have a slightly dull exterior, but this is because he usually doesn't know what's going on. He does a fine impression of a cactus and wants to know where the tequila comes from.
Influences: John Entwistle, Roger Glover and Fiona Richmond.